I am 39 years old this year. Its been 39 years of my life and it seems to me that I still live without any direction at all. No job, no savings, not looking for any paycheck in the next 15th or 3oth of the month. I was not able to invest into anything before that can be useful at the moment.

After college years, it was normal for most graduates to look for a job. So I did. But I guess, I was not properly thinking during those time. All I have in mind is to land on a job. Just any job. Well, nothing is surprising because after my high school days, my only goal was to land to college without any idea of what I am going to study or what do I want to be when I finish my study.

Well, who was I to blame for all of this? I can’t think of anyone to blame. My grandmother who did all she could to raise me and have her siblings help me to finish up school did nothing wrong at all. I understand that she herself did not experience the entire educational system and she wanted me to have that in me. Rest in Peace, Inay. I love you so much and you want was for me to be at my best.

My mother and father was no where in any of the chapters of my life except during my birth. Then they threw me to my grandmother who stood up for me and fought so hard to bring me up as a good child.

Right now, I feel that I am without direction. I have many dreams, dream that were made along the way. Dreams that come across my mind because of what I am currently experiencing as full time mother to my two kids. I guess at this moment in my life, I no longer have the opportunity to dream and build things I wanted for my self. I guess those times were over because I have my kids to make my priority.

How I wish I could turn back time and rethink what I really wanted to be from the very beginning. I should have started it properly . Had I thought I wanted to be a profession practitioner or a simple employee all the time of my life or a business person, I should have really started it way way before.

I hope, if there is anybody reading this and if you are still young, hopefully, you will be able to reflect for yourself starting today. The right time to start your reflection and be focused on what you would like to be was yesterday but today is not yet very late. In my age, if I am to start again, it should be quick because I have shorter time than you are. Hopefully, you will not be like me.

2 thoughts on “Reflection

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